Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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