Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
