Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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