WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
