Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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