They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
