he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
