When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
