I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
