i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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