One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize