Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
