Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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