i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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