I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
