i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
