Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
