her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
