The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
