can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
