if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
