last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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