So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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