Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize