She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He? As in you personified your dick?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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