DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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