So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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