I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
