Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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