I'm drive I can fine osifer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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