Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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