I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
