Apparently you make a good broom.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
