You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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