awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I fill condoms, not promises.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
