She's JV to your varsity
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
