I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
