For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
