if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
