just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
