After last night, I could never be a politician.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
