Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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