pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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