My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
