Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
