i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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