remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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