And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
