if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
