I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
