I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize