Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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