The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
