Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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