I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
