My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
