I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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