Can i not drive my cunt home
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
