the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
