I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
