I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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