thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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