saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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