she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im holly from the hills drunk
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
