Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
