i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
